Goodbye.

Well, it's here. The day I've been dreading for 4 months. The day I leave Russia. We had Spectacle today where the kids put on a performance in front of their parents. My Basic Reading class was dressed up as elves, the cutest elves I have ever seen. They had little red Santa hats and green scarves. When I first saw them, they all swarmed me, hugging me and kissing my face. While in the middle of that huge group hug I realized, I will never get this again. I will never be surrounded by the love of these perfect souls ever again. I hugged them back as tightly as I could and went to sit by them. Vanya wouldn't get off of my lap and Matvey and Ella sat on either side of me. They kept looking up at me, smiling and snuggling into my side. I had the hardest time keeping it together. We sat there for a little while and then I had to go upstairs to find where I would stand during Spectacle. (The Russians pronounce it Specktackle, so now we do.) I found my place and waited for my kids to come upstairs. It still hadn't really hit me that soon I would leave and never see them again. I was trying really hard not to let that thought come into my mind. Eventually, my kids made it upstairs. I know they were coming 2 minutes before they walked in the door because I heard them tromping down the halls. They're such spastics, I love them for it. They walked in and found their spots along with Katie, Jess, and Andrew's kids. Their part is very last, so they were sitting there, very patiently waiting for their turn. Danya kept turning around and with his huge eyes, asking me what his line was. And Vanya kept reaching around to give me a hug and proudly, point me out to his Mom. We waited through all of the little kids' lines and then it was our turn. They said their lines perfectly, even though the other kids were restless and a little loud, and my babies sat down. We sang our last song and that was it. With that last note, my time as an ILP teacher was over. Time kind of froze in that moment and my earlier feelings came rushing back to me. It's over, this is the last time I will ever see these kids. A Russian teacher said a couple words, gave us some presents, and dismissed us. The kids ran off in opposite directions, finding their parents, heading to the food, and in Seva's case, just being a spastic and running in a circle. I stood there, a little in shock, and looking a lot like I had just been punched in the face. I held my presents when Ella came up to me and gave me a hug. Her sweet face broke me. I started to bawl and I couldn't stop it. She looked up at my face, a little confused and gave me another hug. I told her I loved her and she ran away to find her Mom. Then Vlad came up to me with his camera in hand and took a picture of us, arm out style. I'm pretty sure his parents are going to love the picture of me really close up and crying, but I hope he treasures it as I treasure pictures of him. Then Vlad handed me a present, a little ornament that I had seen him carrying around all during Spectacle. He gave me a hug and then left. After a couple more of my kids came, gave me hugs, and said their goodbye's, Ella came back to me with her Mom in tow. Her Mom said to me in broken English, "Ella didn't know you were going to America. She was crying in the corner." I looked down at Ella's red rimmed eyes and lost it again. I hugged her and hugged her. I love that girl. I held her at arms length and said, "I love you Ella." She looked back to me and said, "I love you Miss Courtney." That's a moment I will never forget. She left after another long hug.  I said goodbye to a couple more of my kids, but some I never got to say goodbye to. They just disappeared, but I hope they know how much I love them. How much I will always love them. Just as I thought that it was the end of goodbye's, Matvey came up to me. He looked up at me with a not too happy look on his face. I asked him, "Matvey, why are you sad?" He beckoned me down and said, "Teacher Courtney, no bye bye." Then he stomped off and hid in the corner. I followed after him and coaxed him out of his fetal position. I opened my arms for a hug and said, "Matvey, I love you so  much." He returned my hug reluctantly, kissed my cheek, then he stomped off. He's such a girl sometimes, but I love him for it.
This experience has been everything I could have asked for. It has taught me patience, independence, to have a peace of mind, to love travel more then I did, what friendship really means, and above all else, it has taught me to love. To love so much and so greatly, I feel like I've left part of my soul with those kids. St. Petersburg Basic Reading Fall 2012 is my horcrux. I will always look back on this experience with so many fond memories.
So to answer a question to my September 5th, 2012 self; Yes. It will be worth it. You will fall in love with your kids. And it will change you forever. Don't get discouraged because this will change your life. It will teach you things you never thought you needed to learn. Enjoy every moment because every moment with these kids is precious. And eat as many hazelnut snickers as you can because they don't sell them in the states.
And Goodbye Russia, you treated me very well. Even if you smell like fart, I still loved every minute I spent with you. Let the next adventure begin :)